*Editors Note* It has already been an unusual week both for San Diego and for My San Diego. Needless to say with all the fires and news coverage and evacuations, it might feel a little like the worlds gone HECTIC and there's not a lot of time to sit down and read. OR, the worlds gone hectic and that leaves nothing but time to read, think, talk and wait. On that note we've decided to continue with our weekly features and that includes our once postponed new feature "Abbie on...". And while Abbie is our resident relationship expert, she starts out her article with a bit of a surprise. Because while "love is everything" to her and "break ups are the worst" she's not just talking about the guy, she's also talking about her friends. I'm not going to bring up the current Lauren/Heidi debacle (okay I just did) but just to let you all know, Abbie's been through it, healed from it, and now she's here to share it with you. Take a break from the fire coverage.*
Abbie on... repairing a friendship.
I thought I’d start off by saying that I spend quite a bit of time thinking about love and relationships. I’d like to call myself an expert but that’s probably impossible. The truth is love is everything to me. It is woven into all aspects of my life: my family, my friends, my teaching, my writing, my apartment and my passions for words and expression. I consider myself lucky because I have love in my life and an abundance of love to give.
Is it not the reason we are all here? Without it, what a lonely existence we would all lead.
This all being said, break-ups are the worst.
I was watching this past weeks episode of Grey’s Anatomy and Meredith said something like this in one of her voice overs during the show:
“There’s one thing in life that is for sure besides death and taxes. Hurt. You’re going to get hurt or hurt someone else at some point in your life.”
Now this, I am an expert on.
Yuck.
But I’m not going to tell you some gut wrenching story about an ex-boyfriend who broke my heart. Instead, I will tell you this:
An amazing thing took place not long ago. I repaired a friendship that had been tattered for over a year.
Break-ups are never pleasant but when one of your closest, best, special girl-friends break-up with you it hurts just as much.
Sharlene was one of my closest San Diego girl-friends. We worked together and played together. One day I came home to find that she had broken-up with me via email. She explained her reasons, she asked me not to contact her and told me she wasn’t sure she would ever be ready to talk to me about it.
I had mixed emotions at first. I wrote her a reply that I never sent. I was sad. This hadn’t really ever happened to me before.
She deserved an apology from me but I didn’t call for a long time. When I was finally ready, I left her a voicemail that she didn’t return.
Six months ago, I went into her work (she works at a restaurant) and apologized to her. She heard me out and even though I asked her to call, she never did.
Then I found out she was moving to Chicago. I wondered if we’d ever get the chance to repair the damage. I needed to try to make it right.
See, I was over every ex-boyfriend, but I wasn’t over the loss of Sharlene.
We used to have fun together. I could tell her anything. We would laugh and talk or hours. She was there for me when I was going through a rough time. We gave each other advice about our careers. We shopped in each others closets. We went out downtown, we went out for breakfast, we shared almost everything. (Including the time that she ate all of our rolled tacos before I had a bite and then passed out on my futon).
Soon after finding out that she was moving, I went into her work with my family. I decided to approach again. This time, she was receptive and open. We talked for a little while and she agreed to have dinner or a drink with me before she moved. We only had a week.
It was awesome to sit and talk to her about her life. My life. Catch up on what we missed in 14 months time. We learned that we both had grown so much. I was finally able to explain my side of everything, say my apologies but she had already forgiven me.
Then fate stepped in.
The day before she left for Chicago, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and a few of his friends—to a place we had never been before. She was there with her entire going-away party clan. We were both genuinely happy to run into each other.
It was a make-up that I never expected and I am blessed to have her back in my life. We text and call just like old times. She is happy in Chicago (I wish she were here in San Diego for selfish reasons) and I am happy for her.
She even told me that she loves me again.
Nothing better than that.
For me.
Is it not the reason we are all here? Without it, what a lonely existence we would all lead.
This all being said, break-ups are the worst.
I was watching this past weeks episode of Grey’s Anatomy and Meredith said something like this in one of her voice overs during the show:
“There’s one thing in life that is for sure besides death and taxes. Hurt. You’re going to get hurt or hurt someone else at some point in your life.”
Now this, I am an expert on.
Yuck.
But I’m not going to tell you some gut wrenching story about an ex-boyfriend who broke my heart. Instead, I will tell you this:
An amazing thing took place not long ago. I repaired a friendship that had been tattered for over a year.
Break-ups are never pleasant but when one of your closest, best, special girl-friends break-up with you it hurts just as much.
Sharlene was one of my closest San Diego girl-friends. We worked together and played together. One day I came home to find that she had broken-up with me via email. She explained her reasons, she asked me not to contact her and told me she wasn’t sure she would ever be ready to talk to me about it.
I had mixed emotions at first. I wrote her a reply that I never sent. I was sad. This hadn’t really ever happened to me before.
She deserved an apology from me but I didn’t call for a long time. When I was finally ready, I left her a voicemail that she didn’t return.
Six months ago, I went into her work (she works at a restaurant) and apologized to her. She heard me out and even though I asked her to call, she never did.
Then I found out she was moving to Chicago. I wondered if we’d ever get the chance to repair the damage. I needed to try to make it right.
See, I was over every ex-boyfriend, but I wasn’t over the loss of Sharlene.
We used to have fun together. I could tell her anything. We would laugh and talk or hours. She was there for me when I was going through a rough time. We gave each other advice about our careers. We shopped in each others closets. We went out downtown, we went out for breakfast, we shared almost everything. (Including the time that she ate all of our rolled tacos before I had a bite and then passed out on my futon).
Soon after finding out that she was moving, I went into her work with my family. I decided to approach again. This time, she was receptive and open. We talked for a little while and she agreed to have dinner or a drink with me before she moved. We only had a week.
It was awesome to sit and talk to her about her life. My life. Catch up on what we missed in 14 months time. We learned that we both had grown so much. I was finally able to explain my side of everything, say my apologies but she had already forgiven me.
Then fate stepped in.
The day before she left for Chicago, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and a few of his friends—to a place we had never been before. She was there with her entire going-away party clan. We were both genuinely happy to run into each other.
It was a make-up that I never expected and I am blessed to have her back in my life. We text and call just like old times. She is happy in Chicago (I wish she were here in San Diego for selfish reasons) and I am happy for her.
She even told me that she loves me again.
Nothing better than that.
For me.
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