Fat Girl, Skinny City: An Old Love Checks In

Fat Girl, Skinny City: An Old Love Checks In


Yes, San Diego is on fire (I'm sure you've heard). And that seems to mean that my ex-boyfriend/love of my, well a big love can call me on the phone and leave me a message "just to check in and make sure you're alright."

I'm fine. The sky is red and it's raining ash and I've been through it before (the Cedar Fire) and while it's sad to hear about those people who are losing their houses, I've checked in with everyone I know and we're gathering at my place tonight for a round up.

So I'm fine. How are you guy I haven't talked to in a long time? How are you guy who told me he wasn't ready for commitment but is now engaged to some cute little girl from his hometown? How's all that going?

I know, it means something that people call you when they see the news and everywhere you look there's another piece of news "Southern California is BURNING!" "State of Emergency!" "Watch out, here comes another round of evacuations!"

Yes, I called back. It didn't take me all THAT long to decide to to it. First I wrote an email to my best friend and asked her if I'm being over dramatic.

"Yes," she said.

"So I should call him back."

"You could, you couldn't. Just do what you want."

First I had to think about our past relationship. He was, newly broken up with his long term high school sweetheart and I was the girl who talked him through it. We were both, actually, going through break ups (the definition of rebound) and found solace in our mutual "I could care less about a relationship" mentality. But then, well, slowly, we fell in love. And then we went on vacation together and while on vacation he told me about this other girl he was thinking about dating.

My normal script in my head would have went something like "well, it's because I'm too fat." But this time I just felt betrayed. There (could have been) something real between us, right? I couldn't ask him though, as per our previous agreement I needed to keep my mouth mostly shut.

"I do love you though" he said. "I'm just not ready, for all that."

Or something. I don't know, I can put him in the back of my head most days and yes it's been a while and I have since moved on but I sometimes wonder, what would it have taken to sweep him off his feet? Love wasn't enough, maybe, imminent fire danger?

After a little while I just picked up the phone and called.

Voice mail. "I'm fine. Fire is not coming toward my area. Sky is crazy looking, almost doomsday like. Thanks for the call."

When I hung up I stared at the orange in the sky, despite the weather, things are okay and we will get through. My city is burning, my heart, healed.